You didn't hear it from me

I can't help myself, I love hearing behind the scenes stories on celebrities...and I'm not talking about some douche on E! (not naming any names, cough Ted Casablanca cough) telling the "inside scoop". I'm talking about this (via gawker). The real deal...someone probably a lot like myself describing her encounter w/ the Newlyweds (Nick and Jessica for those of you living in a cave, and in that case, how are you using the internet?). Maybe they should keep doing their reality show, b/c god forbid they rely on their music careers alone for fame (or hold out for that special episode of "Where are they now?"), and just rename it "The Divorcees". Nice.

Not to copy lindsayism and her new "Nearsighted Item"....but I wanted to tell my own celeb story, but this one involving someone much less famous than Mr. Leto. I would submit it to her, but I fear rejection. So here's the story:

I was at the SXSW film festival in 1999, a wee 19 yr old girl completely enthralled w/ the idea of meeting "celebrities" during this glorious week in March (and seeing some indie films too). So after a screening of "Desert Blue" (which I loved at the time and realized later actually sucked pretty hard) I went outside to smoke and who should be there but Ethan Suplee (who? the big guy who couldn't see the sailboat in "Mallrats", the big guy who was the racist in "American History X", the big guy who's Johnny Depp's friend in "Blow" etc.) So I stand there awkwardly for a moment, b/c it's a small balcony so I'm practically in his conversation, and I casually say something like "I liked the movie" or "You were good in the movie" or something really really lame like that. I don't remember what happened next, but he noticed on my nametag (I had it to get into screenings, not b/c I normally wear one...fyi) that I was from Austin. So then he says, "So in Texas, can't you just walk into a store and buy a gun?" I laugh a little and reply w/ "I don't know, I've never tried." Totally assuming he is joking, b/c why would he be serious. So now I'm going to list the rest of the convo for easier reading:

Ethan: "No, I think you don't have to have a permit, you just walk in and can buy a gun."
Reagan: "Hmmm...I'm not sure" (v. uncomfortable at this point)
Ethan: "If I gave you money, would you go w/ me to buy a gun? I would drive you."
Reagan: (Akward pause) Okay.
I have to interject and let you know that this is only an outline of the conversation b/c I can't remember it verbatim. I'm sure you already assumed that. I also have to say that the only reason I say "Okay" is because I really couldn't think of another answer. Back to the story.
Ethan: "Alright. Are you going to see "Spent" tonight?"
Reagan: "Yes"
Ethan: "Okay, let's meet after the movie and we can go buy a gun."

Of course, I go to the movie that night w/ some friend I'm no longer friend's w/ and whose name I can't remember (I just know she was obsessed w/ the red head on "X Files"), we watch the movie (which was possibly one of the worst things I have ever seen...you don't know bad like this), and afterwards I see Mr. Suplee across the room w/ some other cast members from "Desert Blue" (but neither one of the ones I cared to see...Christina Ricci...Casey Affleck). So what do I do at this point? I grab what's her face by the arm and drag her to the nearest exit. Yes, that' s right, I ran like a scared little b*tch. B/c some guy who one recurred on "Boy Meets World" asked me to buy him a gun. And to this day I have no idea why. The end.

That was the longest retelling of a story in the history of stories. Can anyone count how many times I said "So then"? I apologize to anyone who stuck it out until the end.
R.